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- i was 11 the first time i watched my favorite movie (dr. strangelove). my dad and i sat on his couch  in our pyjamas with two salad-bowl sized containers of popcorn while his cats sat to my left. i laughed ~3 times a minute. my favorite time watching my favorite movie was two years ago with my ex boyfriend. it was the first time i had ever been to his house and he recently admitted a lot of personal things to me. i felt 'connected' to him. his cat was running back and forth in the apartment and i almost tripped over it twice. he told me her name was kitty and i was offended that he didn't bother to give her a proper name, so i decided to call her lucy. seems like a shitty thing to do in retrospect sort of. we each sat on separate chairs and didn't touch each other for the whole movie. we both laughed steadily throughout. he told me it was his favorite movie and i told him it was mine too, but immediately regretted it because i was afraid he would think i was just saying that as an excuse to have something in common. when the movie ended he asked me to sleep over

- my first kiss was at the river heights community center dance in the 5th grade. i was 'dating' a boy named eric cameron who had blonde shaggy hair (feel the need to say 'clearly') and was ~1.5 feet shorter than me. we were slow dancing to 'you're beautiful' by james blunt and eric's hands were 5 inches away above my ass. he leaned up to kiss me and i leaned down. the kiss lasted ~2 seconds and we both kept our mouths closed. afterwards he said 'haha, brb'

- the person i have probably had the most 'intense' romantic feelings for is nathan. we have a 'complicated' relationship. when we first met i wasn't interested in him at all but my feelings for him developed very suddenly. we started seeing each other mid last summer and somehow became inseparable over the course of that time. i was moving to toronto for school in the fall and my parents were moving also, so they sold our house and left after i graduated high school in april, ~2 weeks after nathan and i started seeing each other. i wasn't sure where i was staying for the summer and he asked if i wanted to stay at his apartment so i did. i was surprised that i rarely got bored of him. i felt happy around him ~90% of the time. i was also surprised that his friends seemed to like me and all of my friends liked him. it seemed ridiculous

he and i spent most of our time having sex, watching movies, discussing 'things' generally, listening to music on his speakers late at night. when i left for school we decided to try long distance. it was hard for both of us. i became overbearing and he became distant. we had sex on skype regularly which we both enjoyed and seemed in some ways to be a large part of what kept us together. i surprised him ~2 months after i moved by taking a greyhound bus 30 hours each way to visit him.  i arrived early in the morning and turned of his alarm. i sat down on the side of his bed and kissed him on the forehead until he woke up. he told me he loved me while we had sex--i cried. when i went back to toronto things got worse almost immediately. we were sort of 'amplified' versions of ourselves at all times. he would be cruel often and i would take everything he said too seriously. before i went home for christmas i went to puerto rico with my family. we spoke twice during the trip. i was supposed to stay at his apartment when i got home, but he went to his parents and didn't get back in time for when i arrived. i stayed at my friends house for 4 days before he came home. after a long argument on the phone he drove back home and told me he didn't 'feel anything' for me anymore

i felt extremely angry/upset that he didn't tell me earlier. i remember thinking 'coward' repeatedly. i stayed at his house for the next ~1.5 weeks because we decided to try and 'work things out'. i regret doing this. he was almost comically cruel and distant ~97% of the time. i felt depressed 100% of the time. on new years i took mdma and we kissed behind the dj booth when the clock struck 12. he ignored me for the rest of then night. i suspected he was cheating on me/something similar so i went on his gmail. i immediately regretted doing this. i found out he had been 'seeing' someone else for ~2 weeks. i had a panic attack and took 5 mdma caps. i rolled around on the bed uncomfortably for 4 hours. when he came home he turned the lights off and asked me if i was going to die. my dad picked me up for my flight at 5 am and nathan walked me to the door in his boxers and kissed me goodbye . we didn't speak for 5 months afterwards. it took me a long time to 'recover'. i started exercising because of this. we reconciled in the summer at a 5 day outdoor folk music festival. that night we snorted morphine and had sex. he told me a lot of 'personal' things and seemed adamant to go to therapy/improve his life/how he 'treats people' generally. i saw him cry for the first time while watching leon redbone. we continued to sleep together on and off until i left for school this year. we stayed friends. he didn't go to therapy


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