there are probably less than ~2 writing things i have done in my life that i haven't looked back on and vehemently disliked/felt embarrassed by

i can feel myself gaining weight but i'm not doing anything to stop it

i feel like that is a common symptom of depression

i know i am depressed but i'm not doing anything to stop it

i rarely buy groceries

my refrigerator has contained basically the same things for the past ~1.5 months

contents of my refrigerator:

--tupperware container of israeli salad
--1 litre milk which i have left out overnight twice
--aluminum baking pan of barbecue chicken given to me buy my aunt
--kale
--coconut water
--coconut milk
--coconut oil
--coconut
--berry smoothie
--eggs
--bowl of cooked rice
--bottle of green tea
--2 cans of beer
--water bottle of gin and coconut water
--coffee mug of blue raspberry sour puss
--garlic hummus

you either run out of chips first or salsa, but never both at the same time; fucked up

i get angry when people tell me my nose is 'beautiful' and 'unique'

i try not to express my anger because i don't want to explain it but i usually do anyway

i have wanted a nose job since i was 11-12 and will probably always want one

last year i made a giant x-acto knife out of cardboard for my sculpture class

i felt ok about it